chameleon 07.10.2021

 Shelby trying to list off brands of chewing tobacco: 

“YUKON!”

“TAHOE!”

“HUSKY!”

Everyone else, “……grizzly?”

What They Should Teach Us In School 7/10/2021

Mindfulness and meditation to quiet mind chatter (by doing art or listening to music or moving your body or breath work, etc.). We should learn more about diversity, equity & inclusion and understanding the unconscious bias. And…nutrition for health and wellness and not body mass index. And maybe teaching them how to establish essential values for themselves and how to live by them and how all facets of their life would be affected if they were or were not truly honoring those values. Maybe we stop forcing a freshmen in high school to choose a career pathway…when they are almost 10 years away from their prefrontal cortex being fully developed. So, why don’t we teach people to figure out who they are and invite them to embrace all of it and walk firmly in that before they figure out how they’re going to get a job that has good retirement benefits so they can be comfortable FIFTY years from when they are being asked to contemplate it. I don’t even know what I am gonna eat for dinner, let alone what I’ll be doing just ONE year from now. So many young adults feel like they are lacking real purpose and they’re unhappy. So, if you could teach an adolescent to periodically check in with what drives them and WHY it drives them (essential values)…they’ll feel more fulfilled in the long run because they’ll have a strong awareness of self that allows them to name their emotions, how they’re expressing them, the level of importance, and what the situation calls for in order to realize harmony within all relationships. And maybe then we would have a more capable and confident workforce because they chose a job that fit well with their inherent and known strengths.

Sick Of Dave Matthews Band 07.08.2021

 To Stefani

It has taken me so long to get the energy to write this to you. Because nothing felt right and I don’t think I was ready to process all of this. I don’t think any of us ever will be. I know I’m experiencing pain but I also know the pain I feel is just a fraction of the pain that aunt cheryl, uncle Mike, Daddy, Jer, JR, and Mack are feeling. I’m writing this to you because I miss you and I love you and you left us far too soon and I never got to tell you all the memories I cherished growing up with you. To note: saving us when our car broke down, coloring with me, asking me to make you a morning playlist because you were getting sick of Dave Matthews band, when I was 7 I remember you taking me on a ride in your convertible Spyder with the top down on Thanksgiving day in Chicago—simply because I asked you, and shooting hoops with us in the basement for hours and hours. 

But. Why I’ve finally found the strength to write this is…

I’m sitting in my backyard watching tiktoks. And it was this video of a girl just sitting there with some soft music playing. And the sound then prompts her to close her eyes and imagine the younger you running up to the current you to give you a hug. And first of all I was not at all prepared for the waterworks that I experienced…But, second of all, I just had the vision of you, Stef. Because as a kid, I remember seeing you and being so excited to hug you. I thought you were the prettiest lady in all of the land. I told everyone when I was in 1st grade that I wanted to be an eye doctor. You were the best cousin a girl could dream up. 

Because you always saw us. But, like, in a way that made us feel so special and cared for and known. 

And, I guess, as an adult, I realize I’ve been trying so hard to emulate the love that you showed me and being that to the little people in my life. i have 4 nieces that absolutely adore their “auntie shelby” when i walk in the door, lots of little hands grab mine and lead me to their next adventure at mimi and peepo’s. i wanted to be their favorite when they walked in a room because of how I felt about you when I was their age. So, I’ve succeeded and I know that now. Especially after watching that video. I’m a total mess as I write this because I am so so grateful for you and all you brought to my life and so many others. This isn’t fair. I’ll never understand it. But I love you so very much. And I will admire all that you are for the rest of my life.

Damn you, morality!!!!! 07.10.2021

 J

I’ve basically decided that arguing with anyone these days is a complete waste of energy. Everyone has their minds made up already. 

ME

Lolol. It’s so true. But then I think about me. 

ME

And I’m like

ME

Yo. I changed my mind. 

ME

Or…ACTUALLY

ME

I think of it as I’m living my authentic self. I feel like I’m the same kid I was when I was 5. Like. Before all the hurt and confusion of the world got to me. 

ME

Like wow. Humans have free will and we aren’t being moved around by a giant puppeteer?? 

J

My only qualm with the idea of living as a full authentic self is that authentic self can have problems too. Like I wanted to kill my landlord today but I know I shouldn’t. 

ME

Hahahahahaha

ME

Damn you, morality!!!!!

ME

I’m only suffering every day because I believed that if I didn’t suffer constantly and agonize over my sins that I would live in the firey pits of hell forever? 

When do you think Christians are going to realize that they’ve just been being selfish by sitting in church and sucking up weird endorphins during the fancy worship and then going home and hating everyone after? And they’ve been selfish because ultimately we (not me presently) only care about saving ourselves from Hell…instead of, I don’t know, just enjoying our lives on earth? And not simplifying the experience as just a prelude to eternity and using that line of thinking to (unsuccessfully) pacify any kind of painful emotion.  Like imagine how great the world would be if we actually just loved and helped one another like Jesus said. And not used an ancient script to help us come to terms with the fact that we are turd humans and since we are, we are going to use this magical textbook to justify why we can be turds. 

J

But we have to pluck words and read them in plain English even though the magical textbook was written for an entirely different context in an entirely different language. But it says women should be silent in church so it’s a sin if you speak up

J

But we’re cool with ignoring the weird stuff from Leviticus

ME 

I think I read a passage once that said when a woman gets her period she needs to sit outside 

ME

Ok. But can we do that like at a spa? Outdoor spa?

J

It’s real! 

J

And if a dude has a wet dream he has to go out and bury it or something

J

But we read some stuff from the New Testament as it’s supposed to be directly applied to 2021 America

J

And then hit people upside the head with it and make them feel guilt for things they might not need to feel guilty about

ME

And I also remember feeling so guilty for never getting through the lineage chapters in the Bible 

ME

And always feeling so confused when people like got excited about reading the same book every day. 

ME

I can’t even watch the same movie twice. 

J

I’m not fully deconstructing (maybe decon light) but I think it see the Bible as the story of Jesus and people who read it daily are experiencing God through it

ME

Oh I’m with you on that. 

ME

I love Jesus 

ME

Like I really do. 

ME

Because he was human. And he loved people really hard and wide out in the open. And he never changed who he was even when he got shit on over and over. 

ME

That’s the kind of love I want to emulate. 

J

Preach

J

Not the “let’s storm the capital to and push our religion on everyone else by making some weird Christian nation” type of love